Gotta take a break from the Anti-vaxx Chronicles today because the good folks at QAnon headquarters, Parler, have discovered some critically important news. Yes, at long last, we have the evidence we need to take down the Walt Disney Company for being the satanic illuminati we always suspected them to be! Thankfully, Facebook exists to spread the word far and wide! What would the conspiracy world do without Facebook? Why, it’d be like the John Birch Society days—they’d need dead-tree newsletters delivered via snail mail! 

Just brace yourself for the shocking evidence. If you think Mickey Mouse, Belle, and the Little Mermaid are innocent, this will rock you to your core. 

Get ready to wake up.

So the 33rd degree is the highest honor bestowed on Freemasons: 

The first Masonic Lodge in America was founded in 1733, lending ideals and support to the American Revolution, Constitution, Bill of Rights, and the laying of the Nations Cornerstone under Masonic ceremony by then-President and Freemason, George Washington.

Freemasonry, depending on your point of view, is either a charitable organization with a long history in the U.S. and abroad, or a group of puppet masters of the grand world order. Both of those possibilities do not carry equal weight. Particularly since the list of groups and people who control the world is long (illuminati, the Jews, the deep state, the Rothchilds, etc), and presumably, they would be at war with each other if control of the world truly rested in their hands. 

Now, it’s true that there are tunnels under Walt Disney World, and they’re for trafficking! They traffic trash removed from bins on the surface, which makes for a cleaner experience. They also traffic in costumed animals and princesses, like Goofy and Princess Tiana, allowing them to pop up where they need to go. It would be weird to see Minnie Mouse traipsing through the Star Wars Experience, after all. 

Logic would dictate that, if children were suddenly disappearing from Disney theme parks in large numbers, that, um, someone would notice. But that’s just how deep the conspiracy goes. Even parents are in on it. Thank god Q is on the case!

Seriously, it’s all so obvious—as you’ll see below. 

This picture proves so much. It proves that, uh, a castle modeled after King Ludwig of Bavaria’s Castle Neuschweinstein is basically triangular. Like a pyramid. So suspicious. 

Of course, I found the original source of this image. Do you see the Orion constellation here? 

But pretend for a moment that the Orion constellation was there. SO FUCKING WHAT. Apparently, in this fantasy world, Orion is hooking up with Osiris. Gasp! This is so scandalous! Alert the tabloids! 

In any case, I think we can all agree that yes, the Walt Disney castle is just like Satan. 

The Seven Dwarfs lived in the woods, amidst nature, so why wouldn’t they have wood carvings of the creatures that lived around them? But nope, it’s not that simple. Today I learned that the owl is the symbol of the freemasons. 

And you thought the Seven Dwarfs were jolly! All along, they were instruments of Satan and the illuminati and the freemasons. 

So believe it or not, I found evidence that the Duck Tales eye chart is actually real. The artists working on the cartoon are laughing so hard right now that their silly little visual gag generated this reaction. 

But I am particularly convinced by the Walt Disney logo sixes. I’m just a little disappointed that they missed the backward six on the “D.” That is the clincher evidence of this dastardly conspiracy. 

Maybe they’re just rocking out to Slayer? 

This one is so funny. It’s from a great show called Gravity Falls, about a town bedeviled by supernatural creatures. That store is literally called The Mystery Shack, and it is full of supposedly magical items. Of course it would have magical symbolism. 

But what’s even funnier is that this is the villain of the show: 

It’s called Bill Cypher—“a secret or disguised way of writing; a code.” If this Q nut was looking for evidence of Disney’s allegiance to secret messages, why not point to the thing that is a triangle with a giant eye, literally named “secret code”? 

Imagine poring over Disney animations frame by frame, looking for evidence. And why? The castle meme already proved everything! They overlaid a triangle over it, what more evidence do you need? 

Winnie the Pooh is so demonic. And the, uh, demon villain is also demonic. And, uh, the evil cat, too. So weird how their villains are villainous!

Anyway, I hope you’ve learned an important lesson today. Don’t be angry or sad! Just make sure you use Facebook to further spread today’s dose of mis- and disinformation. 

Kthxbye.