It is impossible to come up with any satiric take on Republican lawmaker priorities that would not soon be overtaken by priorities even more ridiculous than what you came up with. Now that the party has decided that their most important role is to make sure government does absolutely nothing, and during each new crisis does even less than that, House and Senate Republicans have a lot of free time on their hands.

And if you’re a Republican lawmaker with a lot of free time on your hands, there’s no way you’re not going to use it on performative do-nothing nonsense that you can write a too-gaudy press release about.

Welcome to the latest round of performative nonsense. House Republicans, who have blasted every attempt to protect voting rights put before them, backed on the Senate side by a portrait of a Confederate general come to life and deep into exploring his humiliation fetish, Ted Cruz.

Sen. Cruz found a voting cause to rally around: A new bill that ensures Americans can enter polling places without having to show proof of vaccination. While Republicans may not give a single round shiny rabbit pellet about voting rights, you’d better believe they’re worked up when it comes to making sure that the pompously unvaccinated can get up and breathe in any neighborhood face they want to.

There is, The American Independent points out, one minor problem with the new bill. Nobody associated with the bill can identify any polling place, anywhere, that has such a rule in effect. It’s not a thing. Nobody’s introducing bills to keep unvaccinated Americans out of polling places because, uh, it’s really just not a thing.

That’s why every pandemic-era adjustment to typical state voting procedures has been to allow other people to vote without coming into extended contact with other people. Vote-by-mail efforts were expanded. Drive-through voting places allowed voters to fill out ballots in their own cars. The use of drop-box ballot collection expanded to allow voters to submit absentee ballots from more locations and with no long polling lines to wait in.

These accommodations were all made so that Americans could vote without exposing themselves to dozens or hundreds of other people in the same voting location—and they’re all now being banned, in large portions of the country, in furious efforts by Republicans to funnel American voters back into the long polling lines that the Republican Party has regularly used as means of lowering turnout in hostile districts.

While state Republicans are scrambling to erase every pandemic safety measure devised and shove voters back into polling lines, it seems House Republicans (and Ted Cruz) want to work hardest to ensure that those voters get exposed to illness whether they like it or not. Sure, that makes sense. And if this is a problem that does not actually exist and is never expected to exist, that just makes it easier to propose, right?

Next up: A bill allowing voters to ride wild alligators into polling booths if they damn well feel like it, followed by a bill demanding the arrest of all undocumented Martians. And Sen. Ron Paul will probably sponsor both, now that Ted Cruz has, for the moment, jumped ahead of him in the Pointless Waste of Time competition.

Anyway, this bill isn’t going anywhere because the House has things to debate based on actual things that are actually happening—there’s surely a new post office opening somewhere. But it wasn’t meant to go anywhere. It’s fodder for fundraising letters: Here we are, the House Republicans who aided and abetted an attempted coup, protecting the not-endangered rights of COVID-19’s most favored tour guides.

I’m a little curious as to whether other Americans will be turned away from polling booths if they, oh, let’s say they wear masks, which would no doubt make it harder for poll workers to make sure they’re really the people on the identification cards that Republican-backed state laws insist are absolutely required for voting. I’m also a little curious as to whether those same Republicans will pass new laws stating that COVID-infected Republicans get to personally spit in every voter’s mouth, as liberty demands, and whether Sam Alito and five others on the Supreme Court will not only back those laws but insist that they themselves get to do the spitting. But we’ll just have to wait and see.