Okay, why would anyone try to exterminate large swaths of the population with vaccines millions of people still refuse to take when they can use effing space lasers instead! It makes absolutely no sense. The lasers are far quicker, more efficient, and most importantly—way more fun! Which video game would you rather play? “Trick Pure Blood Patriots Into Accepting a Widely Misunderstood Prophylactic Measure Against SARS-CoV-2 in Order to Steal Their Magic Beans” or “JEWISH SPACE LASERS!”?

Pretty easy choice, I’d say.

The first instances of antisemitic blood libel occurred centuries ago, but like slowly evolving sharks, they’ve remained roughly intact over the years, with relatively few major adaptations. And now a big-tech blowhard and major GOP donor is, like millions of bigots before him, saying the quiet part out loud.

As reported by KSTU-TV, Salt Lake City:

The remarks triggered condemnation throughout Utah’s tech community, and led to David Bateman’s resignation from the company’s board of directors after FOX 13 first reported on the email.

The email by Bateman, shared with FOX 13 by numerous sources Tuesday morning, begins with the subject line “Genocide.” Bateman confirmed to FOX 13 in text messages that he sent the email.

Okay, if someone sends me an email with the subject line “Genocide,” he better be asking me to proof his kid’s history report on Pol Pot. Still, how bad can it be? I mean, this guy is a pillar of the community! There’s no way he could get this far in life believing nonsense like … oh, what fresh hell is this?

“I write this email knowing that many of you will think I’m crazy after reading it. I believe there is a sadistic effort underway to euthanize the American people. It’s obvious now. It’s undeniable, yet no one is doing anything. Everyone is discounting their own judgment, and dismissing their intuition,” Bateman began. “I believe the Jews are behind this. For 300 years the Jews have been trying to infiltrate the Catholic Church and place a Jew covertly at the top. It happened in 2013 with Pope Francis. I believe the pandemic and systematic extermination of billions of people will lead to an effort to consolidate all the countries in the world under a single flag with totalitarian rule. I know, it sounds bonkers. No one is reporting on it, but the Hasidic Jews in the US instituted a law for their people that they are not to be vaccinated for any reason.”

Weird that no one is reporting on this. I mean, it sounds like the story of the century. That said, I don’t think even Pillow Man Mike Lindell would touch it, and his brain looks like a lasagna you accidentally left in the oven overnight when you were drunk.

But wait! As Mr. Creosote said, there’s still more: “I pray that I’m wrong on this. Utah has got to stop the vaccination drive. Warn your employees. Warn your friends. Prepare. Stay safe.”

Hmm, I have a feeling that, for once, Bateman’s prayers will be answered. Go figure.

Needless to say, there was a wee bit of backlash. Bateman sent the email to several Utah luminaries, including Gov. Spencer Cox, Senate Minority Whip Luz Escamilla, and other local tech CEOS. It was not well received. In fact, the CEO of Bateman’s own company was unambiguous in his condemnation: “The opinions expressed by Dave were his alone, and do not reflect the views or values of Entrata, the executive team, board of directors, or investors. To be absolutely clear, we at Entrata condemn antisemitism in any and all forms,” tweeted Entrata CEO Adam Edmunds.

For his part, Gov. Cox tweeted, “These irresponsible comments are hurtfully anti-Semitic, blatantly false, and we completely reject them.”

When contacted by KSTU-TV, Bateman doubled down on his dipshittery: “Yes. I sent it. I have nothing but love for the Jewish people. Some of my closest friends are Jews. My heart breaks for the 2,500 years they’ve been mistreated by nearly every country on earth. But I do believe Scottish Rite Freemasons are behind the pandemic (overwhelmingly Jewish). And I fear billions of people around the globe right now are being exterminated.”

Yeah, nothing good ever comes after “some of my closest friends are Jews.” Never, ever, ever, ever …

The United Jewish Federation of Utah also released a statement calling on “organizations associated with this individual to distance themselves from this individual, who has taken a public and open stance on some of the worse antisemitic tropes in our society. We must accept that any association with this individual and support for his activities only continues to strengthen this type of hate, and reflects by association, on the organizations that he is part.”

Uh-huh. Well, I have a feeling the distancing has already begun, and that his career, if not his community, is well on its way to annihilation.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.