Cyber Ninjas, the company that conducted Arizona’s 2020 election fraudit, had zero election audit experience when the Arizona state Senate hired it to fluff Donald Trump’s antediluvian scrotum—and now the company is taking a well-earned dirt nap.

Rule No. 1 of conducting a fair and thorough election audit is “Don’t hire a company with a silly name.” You wouldn’t let the Colonoscopy Ninjas do your annual checkup, would you? So why would anyone let the Cyber Ninjas root around in the bowels of their election infrastructure? Perhaps because literally no one else was willing to participate in a performative scheme to undermine faith in our democracy and the certified results of the 2020 election.

So why was this partisan, wholly unqualified outfit conducting such an important review in the first place? Well, expertise is overrated, according to thousands of COVID-19 casualties who could have saved themselves with a safe, effective, and free vaccination but chose instead to lay down their lives for a man who wouldn’t budge an inch if they were bleeding profusely from a head wound right in front of him. 

Now Cyber Ninjas is no more—because their audit was shit, the company refused to hand over documents it was ordered to surrender, and a judge, having had enough of their monkey business, ordered the hacks to pay a hefty daily fine until they gave up the goods.

CNN:

The Cyber Ninjas, which faced months of criticism over the audit’s shoddy practices and partisan roots, has encountered a new round of headaches recently.

Officials in Maricopa County this week released a detailed rebuttal of the claims the Cyber Ninjas made casting doubt on the validity of ballots. After assessing the Cyber Ninjas’ findings, county officials concluded that 76 of their 77 claims were false or misleading.

Wait, Cyber Ninjas was $2 million in debt? How? Did Louis Vuitton design their tinfoil caps or something?

Sadly, the Ninjas were bound to slide further into debt unless they made a drastic move like this. Earlier this week, Maricopa Superior Court Judge John Hannah imposed a $50,000-per-day fine over Cyber Ninjas’ refusal to hand over a cache of emails, text messages, and other documents requested by the Arizona Republic via a public records request. 

“It is lucidly clear on this record that Cyber Ninjas has disregarded that order,” Hannah stated during the contempt of court hearing. The funniest part? The Republic’s lawyer had only asked for a modest $1,000-a-day fine. 

Jack Wilenchik, a lawyer for the Ninjas, said the company simply doesn’t have the resources to go through its records to find the documents—which, of course, only serves to instill further confidence in the Ninjas’ ability to conduct an audit. After Judge Hannah’s smackdown, the company immediately released what few employees—less than a dozen—it had left.

The decision to fold the company also comes in the wake of a report from Maricopa County officials—debunking the Cyber Ninjas’ audit “findings” point by point. 

CNN:

They confirmed one error that Cyber Ninjas had identified: Fifty ballots had been double-counted. They were scanned and tabulated twice by a temporary employee who was among many hired to help with the election, said Scott Jarrett, the county’s co-director of elections. He said the double-counted ballots did not change the outcome of any election.

County officials said they had identified 37 additional ballots that could merit further investigation and had forwarded those to the Arizona attorney general.

Fifty ballots! Oh, noes! I bet they were all Biden ballots, too! For the love of Pillow Man, pull down this election! Now!

It’s a shame that a going concern like the Cyber Ninjas had to shut its doors simply because it was dangerously incompetent and comically unqualified. I mean, that’s Donald Trump’s entire business model, right down to the Ninjas’ successful solicitation of millions in donations. You’d think it would work like a charm.

But, hey, some people have a preternatural talent for grifting and some just don’t. Even the Ninjas’ gullible devotees are giving up on them, according to The Daily Beast.

[…]

Some Cyber Ninjas fans expressed confusion over the group’s lack of transparency.

“Why won’t they release their documents?” one wrote on Telegram, when others bemoaned the $50,000-a-day sanction.

Another audit-watcher noted that the money Cyber Ninjas supposedly needs to retrieve the documents would be “a drop in the bucket compared to the amount they’ve spent fighting having to produce these records, in court. But then, ‘give us more money to show you how we spent your other money’, is an entirely predictable grift.”

Better luck next time, Ninjas! Maybe you can look into the moon landing next. I bet those moon rocks are just riddled with bamboo and fake Biden votes. There are just so, so many questions …

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