There’s maybe a reason A Christmas Carol has endured for so long. Or why Tim Burton thought up The Nightmare before Christmas—the magical part of the holiday can easily be flipped to a darker magic. Still, there’s no excuse for the U.S. government to get in on the act.

“We’re alive”? Seriously? Bossy messages on cookies is bad enough, but them making them sentient beings? Someone at the Consumer Product Safety Commission definitely has a warped sense of duty.

If you’re in a mood for the, um, darker (?) side of the holiday, check out this thread of Victorian Christmas cards. They didn’t want anybody having too much for the holidays.