Republican Congresswoman Nancy Mace, inflicted on us by the state of South Carolina, has been running a bold new online ad condemning Democratic plans to boost funding for the Internal Revenue Service. Why, you might ask?

“Biden’s policy will double the size of the IRS at the cost of billions of dollars in unpaid taxes. We should stabilize our nation’s economy first.”

While @z3dster has done us the solid of parsing out what the hell Mace’s word shrapnel was meant to actually mean, it’s still worth stewing on that odd language. “At the cost of billions of dollars in unpaid taxes?” At the … cost? But going after tax cheats is widely recognized as being a net federal win, because just a little money allocated to investigating the most prolific tax-dodgers results in much larger revenues when the dodged taxes actually get paid, so—ooh. Ooooooh.

Right.

What the House Republican is saying here is, of course, boosting IRS capabilities will “cost” the wealthiest tax dodgers in the country billions of dollars, and forcing rich tax cheats to pay what they owe will harm the economy so very much that we shouldn’t even think about it until we’ve “stabilized” everything else first.

You’ve heard of trickle-down economics? This is trickle-down tax fraud. If we don’t let rich Americans who have more offshore bank accounts than you have spoons get away with their current level of financial crimes it is all of you who will suffer, because that money being paid in taxes won’t be going to buying new yacht chandeliers, or underwater television sets, or the spiffy new uniforms the upper classes want you to wear while hunting you for sport.

Instead, that money will be going to the government, and the government will probably waste it on stupid things like rebuilding roads in places you don’t live, or saving coastlines you don’t visit, or giving you better childcare options after your name comes up in the to-be-hunted-for-sport lottery.

In any event, what Mace is suggesting is that American financial criminals have been hiding so very damn much money that attempting to collect it could destabilize our nation’s very economy. Shouldn’t be done! Too dangerous!

Oooookay?

See, our problem here is that we’re taking a Republican message literally instead of treating as the propagandistic word salad it is intended as. It’s not meant to make sense. Mace may or may not distance herself from the premise of her own self-promoted statement after she’s gotten sufficient mockery for it, but it was crafted not to make an actual argument but to burp scary-sounding words at Republican base members primed to react to them without thought. “At the cost of billions” is meant to invoke the notion that it will be costing the nation money, rather than bringing it in. “Stabilize” is meant to invoke the notion that the nation’s economy is currently not stable, when all the facts and figures suggest that the economy is now actually in pretty darn good shape.

Things are so good, in fact, that ports are being clogged with the stuff Americans are now wanting to buy and (mostly anti-labor) economic grumps are warning that if we keep raising wages and recovering from pandemics then we’ll summon the Inflation Monster, so central banks need to start taking a few good golf swings at worker knees before things get out of hand. And that’s all while the pandemic is still raging around us.

The “Biden’s policy” bit is also rote party schtick: While nigh-on everybody who is not personally evading taxes or being lobbied by people who do all agree that returning IRS funding to something approaching normal is both necessary to curb now-rampant tax dodging by the wealthy and an enormous government gain, calling it “Biden’s policy” is intended to portray the move as partisan rancor, or spreading socialism, or otherwise controversial.

It’s all gimmick. Republicanism may no longer have policies of its own, but each new congresscreature is in tune with the larger movement’s dictionary of cult phrases and contrarian phrasing. Going after tax dodgers will “cost” you money. Doing the “Biden policy” on anything will further “destabilize” the glorious f–king paradise of corpses and lines for toilet paper gifted to us by Dear Crabby-Ass Leader in his final year.

Rep. Nancy Mace may be new to town, but she and every other newly elected House Republican gained their current position by telling the ever-outraged base whatever they wanted to hear. She’s in a bit of hot water over that at this precise moment, in fact, being roundly mocked for a particularly comical Sunday show circuit that saw her both undermining vaccination efforts on Fox News while claiming to support them on CNN.

It’s all a game; there is little effort being put into attempting to discern what policies would best serve the nation here, and flopsweat-level effort being put into selling the base on the nation that whatever policies actual experts come up with are most certainly an effort at “socialism,” an attempt to abridge your “freedoms,” or a flat-out conspiracy to harm you because the “elites” will do nigh-on anything to oppress you, whether it be bamboo-laced ballots or firefly chemicals in your vaccines or arresting “patriots” whose only crime was attacking the U.S. Capitol during a joint session of Congress in a seditious attempt to cancel the results of a United States election.

All that said, we’re not going to get anywhere if we ignore it all and let the Maces of new Republicanism fire off chaff meant to invoke primal reaction while breezily evading the part where nothing they said made any actual sense. So we’re all ears, Rep. Nancy Mace.

You say going after tax cheats will “cost billions”—who ya aiming that statement at, representative?

Because the only people who will see a “cost” when going after prolific tax fraud are the folks doing the actual crimes. Is that who you’re going to bat for here? Did they send someone to your office to make that case?

And you’re saying American tax cheats are costing the rest of us so much money that making them actually pay it would threaten to destabilize the entire economy?

Oh, do tell. That one’s worth a floor speech. We all really want to hear you explain that going after institutionalized tax evasion by people who can hire more lawyers than the IRS has available investigators would threaten our very way of life. There haven’t been many Republicans with the guts to make that argument in public, but you made it a sponsored online ad.

Please explain, representative. Give it your best shot.