It’s been weird enough to see anti-mask, anti-vax Florida Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis attempting to copy Donald Trump’s mannerisms during his speeches—evidently because just praising Trump’s every word just wasn’t doing the trick—but the man’s obsession with getting involved with seemingly every new trend the deplorables stumble into is getting downright ridiculous.

In a press conference ostensibly about “election integrity,” aka how do we stop all these people from voting nowadays, Desantis tongue-in-cheekily referred to the Joe Biden administration as “the Brandon administration.” Yeah, that’s a news event now.

Get it? Get it? He was “playing into the popular meme that has liberals in a tizzy,” reports the Fox News website. And the crowd evidently went a bit nuts, because duh.

For those of you who don’t get hourly updates on each new “conservative” invention meant to “stick it to the libs,” whether it be retooling your truck to pollute more visibly to own the libs or dying horribly with a tube down your throat to own the libs, a NASCAR crowd at one point was chanting “fuck Joe Biden” and a broadcaster misheard it as “let’s go Brandon” because he was interviewing Brandon, um, Sportsguy, and the goofiness of the moment turned it into a meme, and conservatives adopted it because their mommies don’t like it when they swear but if you say that then mom will never know, tee-hee, look at us we’re all naughty and stickin’ it to the man or whatever. There, you’re caught up.

Okay, with that all out of the way: Fuck Ron DeSantis. We are all grownups here, and we get to use the rude words if we feel like it and don’t need to do these weird pubescent tics of pretendin’ we’re gonna swear but coding it in a way so nearby authority figures won’t find out. Go nuts with that.

Also, I swear I will never understand the Fox and/or deplorable obsession with thinking that oh, we’ve got the libs this time, they’re gonna be in a real “tizzy” now. Huh? Over swear words? Maybe down in the bowels of Team Bullshit they’re real convinced that fake-swearing at a president is going to cause decent people to have all the vapors but buddy, liberals invented swearing at presidents. Or at least we invented not giving a damn about people swearing at presidents. We probably invented both, and I strongly suspect Ben Franklin was neck-deep in all of it.

You want to say “fuck Joe Biden,” go for it! You’ll have to do a lot better than that to even get anyone’s attention. In a movement in which the ostensible conservative punditry calls insufficiently conservative Supreme Court justices “goat-fucking child molesters,” you’re going to have to do better than that just to get attention from your fellow conservatives.

Calling someone Brandon won’t put anyone in a “tizzy.” You want to put someone in a tizzy, say “happy holidays” when they were expecting a “merry Christmas.” That shit will end up with someone writing a 1,000-word Facebook post ranting about the collapse of society, a post that manages to find six new euphemisms for “the Jews” when attempting to assign proper blame. Tell a conservative gun owner that they should put a trigger lock on their damn gun so their possibly inbred toddler offspring doesn’t paint the bedroom ceiling with their good Christian brains, and by the end of the week several thousand Fox News viewers will have purchased new flag-sized banners sporting a new, spur-of-the-moment catchphrase declaring that any government official who tries to keep their kids alive is gonna find themselves riddled with bullets from one of the other 30 guns kept down in the basement.

Buddy, suggesting that a prominent political figure commit a reproductive act isn’t going to do it.

Here, let me give a demonstration: Ron DeSantis? Fuck Ron DeSantis. Seriously, fuck that guy, fuck everyone who’s ever shaken his hand, fuck everyone who voted for the shitheaded syphilis infection turned Real Boy, and fuck every voter who would have voted for him but were too busy sucking a shit-brand beer pulled out of their shit-brand minifridge to get off their ass and bother. Ron DeSantis is a shitbrained fuckweasel. The Trump-parroting virusfucker is a fuckmurderous iguanaplower and he looks like the offspring between Rick Perry’s third favorite necktie and a Bill O’Reilly paternity lawsuit. He can go fuck himself with a 55-centimeter fuckstick calibrated at 37.5 kilofucks, and he’s not allowed to convert any of that into American fucking units because he doesn’t fucking deserve it.

There, go nuts with that, you weird-headed outrage-scraping cultureklowns. Tizzy. Who the hell cares if someone fake-swears at a politician? Are you, like, 8? This isn’t the damn Vatican, and I can all but promise you worse words have rattled Vatican hallways at various points anyway. If it’ll take valuable time away from you paint-licking assholes inventing new ways to be racist, I’ll help you lobby Hallmark to get it put on greeting cards so that you can send them to your moms and your moms can put them up on the mantle next to an old clock, a plastic Jesus, and that clay “pencil holder” you made in Mrs. Hilliwiggins’ class. Then when you visit mom you can remember that you’ve accomplished something in your life twice now.

Sigh. Even the lib-owning has degraded to pathetic levels. Maybe the real lib-owning is backed up at the Port of Los Angeles, another victim of supply-chain woes as America dips and dives through each new not-gonna-wear-masks pandemic surge. Maybe Fox and Ron have been waiting for months for their new lib-owning campaign to come in from China and this is them attempting cobble something together while they wait.

Seriously, though? Fuck Ron DeSantis. The guy saw Donald Trump bumblefuck his way through murdering a half a million Americans and said to himself, “Wow, the base is really loving this stuff.” Can’t possibly emphasize enough how much that guy needs to fuck all the way off and then some.