Really, how hard is it to wear a mask? The first civil war in this country was fought over the profound moral tragedy of chattel slavery. If a second one is fought because Donald Trump didn’t want to smear his topcoat of Sherwin-Williams Burnt Sienna, I will be officially depressed.

Of course, Trump started this culture war when he politicized the virus. Instead of using the crisis to unite the nation behind sensible public health measures, he employed it as a wedge to unify and rile his political base; the following story is just one example of the all-too-predictable result.

Ricki Collin and Amy Hall, two Portland, Oregon-area anti-maskers, were arrested in Eugene, Oregon, on Wednesday after Hall engaged in an old-timey donnybrook with the owner of a local cookie establishment—because law and order are only important if you’re using them as a cudgel to marginalize people of color, apparently.

Watch:

As you can see from the video, these two parboiled clown sharts walked into the Crumb Together bakery in Eugene, Oregon, with their camera rolling, clearly ready to rumble over mask requirements.

In August, Oregon Gov. Kate Brown reinstated the state’s indoor mask mandate amid the surge of the COVID-19 delta variant. So far, Oregon has done a pretty good job of mitigating COVID-19, ranking 46th in the nation in COVID-19 deaths per capita. That’s likely at least partly due to the mask requirements and the buy-in of the state’s residents, at least in heavily Democratic municipalities like Eugene, Portland, and Salem. 

But, hey, there’s no success great enough that it can’t be belittled by little people with little minds. 

After Collin and Hall walked into the bakery, Hall confronted the owner while Collin filmed the conversation. The owner asked the maskless couple to leave. Eventually, Hall shoved the owner, which prompted the shopkeeper to retrieve a baseball bat from behind the counter. Then they fought like hell as the owner shouted, “Get the fuck out!”

But here’s the best part: Convinced they had the moral high ground, Collin and Hall tracked down the Eugene police to show them the video they’d taken, hoping to get the baker in trouble. Instead, they were promptly arrested, because they were breaking the law. Oops!

How sad. Hall was taken away in cuffs. Let’s all shed a single briny tear.

Shockingly, this isn’t the pair’s first run-in with the law over statewide mask requirements.

KEZI-TV, Eugene:

He has reportedly posted several videos to a YouTube channel in which he is seen confronting law enforcement and others about mask mandates.

Derp!

As the couple leaves, Collin shouts, “You don’t get to fucking assault people and run a business!” Ironically, the owner was treated at a local hospital for cuts and bruises, while the two anti-maskers walked away seemingly unscathed.

Why they thought it was a good idea to show this video to the police is still a mystery. Maybe COVID-19 has been snacking on their wee little brains.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

Saturday, Nov 6, 2021 · 8:32:12 PM +00:00 · Jessica Sutherland

Got 16 minutes? You can watch the full livestream from Collin and Hall of the incident and aftermath, (with colorful commentary).

h/t Lib Dem FoP