The War on Christmas comes earlier every year. Sadly, I fear it’s become far too commercialized and has totally lost the spirit of the first War on Christmas, which was all about wholesome, time-tested traditions, like driving a vicious wedge between Americans based on religious belief and preference. You know, as God intended.

Journalist and tweeter extraordinaire Aaron Rupar has collected some of Fox News’ opening salvos in this year’s War on Christmas, and—oh, guess what!—they’re totally dishonest about what’s really happening. It’s almost as if they’re bringing this up just to rile Christians, who are so monomaniacally devoted to their worldview they think Jesus walks on water or something.

But before we watch them blow holiday rum balls out of their nostrils in a performative, minotaur-like rage, let’s take a look at what Dr. Anthony Fauci actually said on CBS’ Face the Nation on Sunday to kick off this year’s phony fight against the “socialism rules, Yule drools” crowd.

FAUCI: “You know, Margaret, it’s just too soon to tell. We’ve just got to concentrate on continuing to get those numbers down and not try to jump ahead by weeks or months and say what we’re going to do at a particular time. Let’s focus like a laser on continuing to get those cases down, and we can do it by people getting vaccinated …”

Okay, well, it’s nice to know Americans are still No. 1 in the world when it comes to manufacturing outrage, because Fox took that reasonable, measured answer to a specific question about Christmas and ran naked out into the street with it. Enjoy:

Okay, let me explain it to these folks like they’re kindergarteners. If you eat your spinach, you get dessert. And if enough Americans take the vaccine, all this awful stuff will be over before you know it. And then Dr. Fauci—who, to be clear, isn’t ordering anyone to stay home on Christmas Day—will fade back into obscurity, which I can only imagine is exactly where he’d like to be.

Unfortunately, Fox News is at the vanguard of our country’s crusade to kill more and more humans, so the most straightforward and most workable solution to our nearly two-year-long collective nightmare is a nonstarter. Instead, they’ll just scream some nonsense about Dr. Anthony Fauci wanting to strangle the baby Jesus in his crib.

I’m certain God would approve. He’s all about gifts and grifts, after all. Preserving and honoring human life? Not so much, it appears.

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