Anti-vaxx Chronicles aren’t going anywhere, but it gets to be a grind sometimes. So I will occasionally mix it up with Parler Chronicles, exploring the right-wing Twitter-wannabe social media outlet. Reddit’s r/ParlerWatch subreddit tracks the ridiculousness, and is the source of the material I’ll pull. 

Today, it’s an insurrectionist’s fantasy about a conservative vs. liberal civil war. 

His “points” are nearly impossible to read in this screenshot, so here they are for your convenience: 

Chicago would not last long even if there was a Minneapolis-Milwaukee-Chicago axis (not the WW2 alliance, the military term) since it’s isolated from other support by Eastern Michigan, Indiana, and Ohio. Detroit would also fall quickly because of this.

Texas would quickly crush any liberal resistance within and then focus on steamrolling New Mexico. The West Coast, already united, would begin moving steadily eastward, but would find itself bogged down in mountain and deserts were Texan and Upper Midwest forces would meet them and bring their advance to a halt. 

After Chicago is tamed, the forces on the East Coast would nullify Atlanta and other liberal strongholds and begin converging on DC. Once DC falls, the rest of the east coast would. Cali would be on its own. 

If there were to be a civil war I doubt any country besides Canada or Mexico would join. Most certainly NOT other super powers. They would be too busy consolidating their forces to take over the world while the US is fighting itself. 

But because the conservatives would eventually win the war there would be an eventual comeback where the US invades its enemies with the newfound patriotism and hype of a successful revolution.

Does StormzAComning make good points? No, he doesn’t make good points. OMFG, who thinks this shit? Who sits there and fantasizes about a second American civil war, then thinks any such military endeavor could be distilled to a game of Risk? 

“After Chicago is tamed …” ha ha ha ha. So how are these magical fantasy conservative “forces” going to take and hold Chicago? Isn’t it conservatives who love to remind everyone of how many guns are circulating in that city? Do you know who holds those guns? Do we want to guess what those people in marginalized neighborhoods would do to these modern-day Klansmen in their Ford pickup trucks? A bunch of country yokels would be lost navigating Chicagoland, just like they’d be lost navigating any of our major cities. I do wish they’d settle on a narrative: Are liberals violent and dangerous, driven by antifa and BLM, or are liberals weak and cowardly? Because if they’re really worried about antifa and BLM, then oh boy, best of luck, y’all!

Let’s borrow from Casablanca:

Rick: It’s not particularly my beloved Paris.

[…]

Major Strasser: How about New York?

Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn’t advise you to try to invade.

Why do they assume that the National Guard wouldn’t defend against these domestic terrorists? Why do they assume that drones wouldn’t be deployed against them? I know, I know, they think “military equals conservatives,” but that’s the kind of flawed and foolish conservative-bubble thinking that got them in trouble on Jan. 6. They thought the cops and National Guard would take their side during their insurrection. Oops. Guess not. And the military vaccine mandate is doing a great job of weeding out some of the worst nutbags, as many of them refuse to take the jab.

Where will the conservatives get its foot soldiers? Who are these people who will abandon their families and jobs, and march from Texas to … Chicago? And sure, there are likely a few cranks that might, but tens of thousands? Where would they begin building the logistical supply lines to support such an endeavor? The vast majority of our military forces aren’t combat troops, but supply troops, and it costs an eye-watering amount of money to build a proper logistics chain. The U.S. military can do it. FedEx can do it. Amazon can do it. None of those will be supporting this insurrection.

Let’s not even start with the ridiculous notion that a civil war that would kill who-knows-how many, that would decimate our infrastructure and food supplies, and leave the nation financially bankrupt, would then be able to “invade its [foreign] enemies” because of “hype” and “patriotism.” 

Remember, these are the same people that have melted down over wearing a thin strip of cloth over their mouths and noses. Does anyone really think they have the resilience to actually do something hard, when they’re currently getting the vapors because their Christmas presents might be late?

None of this is to say that a genuine American Civil War 2.0 wouldn’t be catastrophic to the nation. Just like the first one, it would be devastating. Liberals have used the democratic process and our cultural institutions to turn public opinion in our direction. Conservatives have surrendered that fight, because changing hearts and minds would require talking to Black and brown people, and they can’t stand to do that. When was the last time anyone said, “America is a center-right nation”? It hasn’t been for a long time, and no one is pretending anymore. 

As a result, conservatives have decided that even with a system skewed in their favor (gerrymandering, the Senate, overrepresentation of rural America), they can’t win the democracy game. Hence these violent fantasies. 

Look at conservatives fantasize about “kill zones” in American cities. These aren’t Americans. They are heirs to the traitorous confederacy. 

Someone makes a good point! Banking and money are a big one. Once the banks shut the new confederates down, then what? What about hospitals? Maybe liberal America just sits and watches rural conservatives age themselves into extinction, with a hefty accelerant from opioids and COVID-19? 

Let’s not forget that urban America subsidizes rural America. By a lot. Turn off that spigot, and rural America withers away. Even in this absurd cosplay fantasy, these rural “conservative” areas would immediately lose internet and cell service. Good luck engaging in basic life without such modern amenities.

And their Facebook would be cut off. OMG, what would they do without Facebook? 

Living like the Amish isn’t going to bring about the Great Conservative Victory. 

They are talking about “exterminating” Americans, because they are liberal, while studying police tactics to make it easier to murder them. 

Because blue lives matter or something. 

Oh good, now we need to debate whether the media is controlled by Jews or by Satanists. But look, they compromised! It’s controlled by Satanist Jews! 

Look, the problem here isn’t that there’s a serious risk of a second American Civil War. The problem is that these nutbags with guns are convincing themselves that they’d “win” such a violent campaign, and thus be encouraged into more acts of violence to try and spark it. 

And part of that process is dehumanizing the opposition to make it easier to justify murdering other human beings, talking about “kill zones” around cities, and “exterminating” police that might resist them. 

They don’t want a war. No one wins in any civil war. We already had one here which pitted the industrialized, technologically advanced, populated side of America versus the rural agrarian side. It didn’t go so well.

What these zealots really want is a genocide. And that’s the real terror in this. These are domestic terrorists. And like all terrorists, it only takes one to create mass carnage.