The latest news from Bizarro World is that Donald Trump is finally starting his own social media company—and it’s named TRUTH Social. Because while irony is long dead, that doesn’t mean Trump can’t beat it in the head with a shovel a few more times just to watch its corpse jiggle. 

Sure, some people are still eager to invest their money with Donald Trump. And some kids still stick their tongues to flagpoles every winter. But not everyone is onboard with this latest venture—including some of the well-heeled investors who thought they were underwriting something other than dark sedition and looming, certain death.

HuffPost:

Donald Trump’s proposed social media company came as news to some of its investors ― and at least one pulled out when he learned his money was now tied to the former president.

“Many investors are grappling with hard questions about how to incorporate their values into their work,” hedge fund manager Boaz Weinstein told The New York Times in a statement. “For us, this was not a close call.”

According to The New York Times, Weinstein’s company had been a key investor in Digital World, which is a special purpose acquisition company (SPAC) that was created specifically to acquire a previously undisclosed company. While investors in SPACs typically commit their money before they know exactly what it will be used to acquire, when Weinstein found out this was a Trump joint, he bailed posthaste. And he (probably) wasn’t the only one.

“The idea that I would help [Trump] build out a fake news business called Truth makes me want to throw up,” he said. It’s not clear if that investor was Weinstein.

Oh, come on now. Way to leap to judgment. There’s always a chance TRUTH will hire reputable fact-checkers who do meticulous vetting of user posts instead of just retweeting demon sperm doctors who promote Trump’s pet theories. Anything is possible, right?

That said, I’d do literally anything with my money before investing it in a Trump company. I’d invest my life savings in asbestos. I’d donate it to Kyrsten Sinema’s campaign on the condition that she henceforth refer to Mitch McConnell exclusively—and without explanation—as “Bubbles.” I’d secure the branding rights to 10,000 stars and name them all after Louie Gohmert.  

Yes, I’d do anything other than trust Trump with my money. Because, ironically, if you give your money to Trump, he’s not going to need to flush 15 times to make it disappear. Once is usually enough with this gently used colonoscope. 

Of course, if you’re wondering if this latest venture can succeed where Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka, Trump casinos, Trump: The Game, and Trump: The Presidency failed, one early indication should give you pause. Online trolls and hackers are already fucking with it, big-league.

Mashable:

It didn’t take long before usernames that clearly would be Trump’s choice for his own personal handle — @DonaldJTrump, @DonaldTrump, and @realDonaldTrump — were registered. The proud new owner of the TRUTH Social username @DonaldJTrump also took the opportunity to bless his profile page with its first post: the “Pig Poop Balls” meme image.

Hmm, Pig Poop Balls. That would also be a much better investment than any Trump endeavor. Keep your eyes peeled for the big Pig Poop IPO. Should be a red-letter day in the history of the New York Stock Exchange—unlike the rollout of Trump’s sprawling shit lagoon of a social media company.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.