From where I stand, Sean Spicer appears qualified for nothing. He’s best known, of course, for serving as the first of four White House press secretaries under Donald Trump, for whom he brazenly lied in one of his first official acts on the job. If he’s known for anything else, it would be having Melissa McCarthy channel his demented Chucky Doll soul in an Emmy-winning guest turn on Saturday Night Live. In third place? Dressing like Deney Terrio’s pet canary and dancing like a toad trying to escape from a bucket during his truncated tenure on Dancing With the Stars. 

Oh, and don’t forget hiding in the bushes to avoid explaining why Donald Trump abruptly fired former FBI Director James Comey.

So maybe it makes sense that he’s flipping out over losing a cushy government gig that seemed ideally suited for his I-suck-at-everything bona fides. In fact, he’s flipping so furiously he’s going to sue! Because the president who replaced the guy who launched a full-on coup attempt against our 245-year-old democracy is OUT OF CONTROL!!! OH MY GOD! SOMEONE END THIS TYRANNY!

Business Insider:

“I will not be submitting my resignation, and I will be joining a lawsuit to fight this,” Spicer said on Wednesday on Newsmax, the conservative cable network where he is an anchor.

Okay, the fact that he has his own show on Newsmax tells you how worthless this unrepentant Trump-lamprey is. Newsmax is to news what Pepsi Max is to carbonated dingo piss.

And on what basis is he gonna sue?

Of course, what really appears to have set Spicer off was current White House press secretary Jen Psaki’s defense of the Biden administration’s move. Shortly after the letters were sent, Psaki stated, “The president’s objective is what any president’s objective is, was to ensure you have nominees and people serving on these boards who are qualified to serve on them and who are aligned with your values. And so yes, that was an ask that was made.” And, with a skosh of snark, she continued: “I will let others evaluate whether they think Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer and others were qualified or not political to serve on these boards.”

Hoo-boy, Sean didn’t like that. And he went off like an enraged Jiminy Cricket on bath salts. 

Transcript!

There’s a lot more nonsense, but it’s pretty much all like that. There was an obligatory mention of critical race theory and a reference to his 22-year Navy service and some bullshit about this move bringing partisanship to a “new level,” but it all seemed custom-designed to fill airtime and make Spicer look like some sort of cross between a righteous revival preacher and a Furby.

I’d include more from the clip, but transcribing Spicer is a bit like trying to play a Tchaikovsky piano concerto while high, and without a piano.

Of course, Spicer wasn’t alone in wanting to hang on to the sweet gig he’d earned by faithfully fibbing for Donald Trump. Top Trump capo Kellyanne Conway made some feckless bleating noises as well.

Seriously, these jobs hardly matter. They’re unpaid and largely ceremonial, as detailed in this Army Times story:

In addition, it only makes sense that President Biden would want to force out a bunch (18, to be exact) of inveterate liars who were placed in their positions by a guy who, you know, tried to end America. But if Republicans ain’t outragin’, they basically cease to exist.

Yeah, the Biden administration has bigger priorities than this, but it’s somehow able to do more than one thing at a time. And campaigning to beat back conservatives’ silly California recall effort during COVID-19 isn’t really that egregious, especially compared to the numerous superspreader rallies Donald Trump held in fall 2020 when he was supposed to be pretending to tackle the pandemic.

But, hey, consistency has never really been these folks’ strong suit, has it?

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