I don’t fly a lot, but when I do I’m pretty quiet and tend to mind my own business. As a 12th-level introvert who makes most of his saving throws against vapid chitchat, I can often get through an entire flight without saying a word, other than “yes,” “no,” “hmmph,” “could you repeat the seat belt instructions, please?” and “who leaves a perfectly good Wetzel’s Pretzel in a sharps disposal bin? Score!”

What I certainly don’t do is break any rules, because if I’m ever gonna D.B. Cooper my way into Mar-a-Lago to paint tiny portraits of Moscow sex workers on all the urinal cakes, I need to maintain my pristine flying record.

But these days, as many smartphone-equipped amateur reporters have chronicled, a lot of people—mostly conservative conspiracists—are behaving pretty badly on airplanes and in airports. They’re screaming, punching, refusing to wear masks, and generally behaving as instructed by Donald Trump.

And now, at least one airline—Delta—is fed up enough to further stick it to these scofflaws.

NBC News:

The Atlanta-based carrier has asked “other airlines to share their ‘no fly’ list to further protect airline employees across the industry — something we know is top of mind for you as well,” Kristen Manion Taylor, Delta’s senior vice president of in-flight service, wrote to flight attendants on Wednesday. “A list of banned customers doesn’t work as well if that customer can fly with another airline.”

Delta said it has 1,600 passengers on its list. It declined to comment further on a shared no-fly list of banned travelers.

Flight attendant and pilot labor unions have raised alarms about unruly passenger behavior that’s surged during the coronavirus pandemic. Reports have included incidents of shouting, verbal abuse of crews and, in rare cases, physical assault.

It’s about time. I know for a fact that you can’t get into any Dave & Buster’s after you’ve snorted bath salts and dry-humped the Q*bert machine, so why should these assholes get to blithely skip on over to another airline after so egregiously affronting their fellow travelers? We don’t want them flying at all. 

According to NBC News, the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA has already asked for a centralized database of airline passengers who’ve been banned from any airline. Of the 4,385 reports of unruly flyers the Federal Aviation Association (FAA) has received this year, three-quarters have involved a refusal to wear federally required masks, and these refusers are raising quite a ruckus. One Southwest passenger was banned from the airline in May after punching a flight attendant and knocking out two of her teeth.

Earlier this year, the FAA instituted a zero-tolerance policy following a rise in such incidents, and that’s helped lower the number of outbursts by about 50%. On Sept. 9, President Biden announced a doubling of fines for people who refuse to wear masks in airports or on planes. But the agency says the current rate of six incidents per 10,000 flights is still “too high.”

That is too high. Anyone who doesn’t know they have to wear a mask on flights by now should just stay home. And shut up. Disney World will still be there when all this is over.

Of course, whether it has any people left to run it is another question entirely.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.