What are Republicans really thinking with their embrace of Donald Trump? How can they possibly be this enamored with a guy who incited a deadly insurrection against the government of the United States, lost them two easily winnable U.S. Senate seats, brutally gutted all their supposed “principles,” lost them control of the House, Senate, and White House in just four years, and looks like a spray-tanned beluga whale fetus being dry-humped by a tribble?

Supporting Trump at this point is a little like tucking into a platter of convenience store sushi, feeling it come back up on you, and then frantically shoveling more in because you can’t admit you’ve spent the last half-hour doing something this effing stupid.

Of course, some people have, rather late into their doomsday dinner, pushed away from the table, only to say, “I’ve had enough sketchy shrimp already. Say, how long has that egg salad been sitting in the sun? Looks delicious. Are those capers or flies?”

And so we have the brewing rivalry between Donald Trump, who in four short years turned the party of free trade and family values into a slavering horde of protectionist adultery boosters, and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, who never met a corona-corpse he didn’t like.

The esteemed Kerry Eleveld reported on these nascent internecine noogies earlier this week, but now we have new reporting from the redoubtable Gabriel Sherman at Vanity Fair.

Yup. DeSantis committed the cardinal sin against Trump: outshining him. Not only did DeSantis narrowly defeat Trump in a recent conservative straw poll, Trump also insists DeSantis would be nowhere without Trump. (This is probably true. In any other world, DeSantis would be regarded by all decent, thinking people as a frothing, death-worshiping maniac. Post-Trump, he’s just a Republican.)

For much of the 2018 gubernatorial primary, DeSantis trailed Florida agriculture commissioner Adam Putnam. But after Trump endorsed DeSantis in June, DeSantis zoomed 12 points ahead. DeSantis won the primary by nearly 20 points.

Red (hat) alert! The sycophant in Pod 1,742 has attained sentience and free will! Eliminate threat immediately!

According to Sherman, DeSantis has also shown a semblance of a backbone when dealing with Trump. He’s occasionally pushed back on the twice-impeached Florida retiree in private, and he’s also been building a war chest through his PAC, presumably to buttress a future presidential run.

“Heading into 2024, DeSantis is primed to push Trump off the throne,” former Trump insider Sam Nunberg told Sherman. “Trump surely sees this coming and will ultimately offer Gov. DeSantis a joint ticket.” Sure, he’ll offer him a joint ticket—if Vladimir Putin hasn’t poisoned him by then. Or if Trump’s next Happy Meal doesn’t mysteriously include a digital kompromat file on the Florida governor.

Personally, I doubt that Trump will run again. He can’t face the possibility of losing the presidency twice. But that doesn’t mean he wants some other worthless gob of slag to rise to the top. 

Honestly, at this point DeSantis may scare me more than Trump. He’s basically a 42-year-old Trump, without the gaudy excesses and impulse-control issues. He could win. A fatal blow from Trump would be welcome, before Florida Man No. 2 gets enough traction to bring his COVID-19 Kill Show to Washington.  

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