Guys. Remember Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner?

Poor lads spent four years trying so hard to “moderate” Donald Trump while strutting around as if they were royalty, and yet people continue to insist that they’re somehow tainted by his stench. It’s just not fair! And CNN found like twelve people (too cowardly to lend their names) to try and make that case that you shouldn’t judge them by daddy’s actions.

Where to even begin? For example, we find out that “[I]n Bedminster, the Kushner cottage and the Trump cottage are separated by mere tens of feet,” and Javanka are trying so hard to avoid Trump that they’re road tripping there right now! It’s not as if they have a house in Florida and another house in New York they could stay in, in their desperate efforts to “distance” themselves from their unhinged patriarch. It’s not like they lived in Florida when Trump was in Florida, and are heading to New Jersey now that Trump is in Jersey. Nope, they’ll “distance” themselves from him, to the tune of “mere tens of feet,” to show America how no one should associate them all as part of the same team. 

We then learn that Trump is wondering whether Kushner was all that effective being the guy in charge of everything at the White House. As you might recall, Kushner was summarily put in charge of pretty much anything that caught Trump’s attention, without regard to whether he actually had expertise in the matter. (He never did.) As such, at one point or another, Kushner was in charge of Middle East peace, solving the opioid crisis by using “business ideas,” criminal justice reform, American policy toward China, Mexico, and Canada, and—most infamously of all—ran the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 crisis.

Now, Trump is wondering whether maybe, just maybe, Kushner wasn’t the correct answer to those problems after all. Is it because of the 500,000 dead from government incompetence, as Kushner staffed his effort with unpaid interns, spiked a national testing plan, and finally declared that “Free markets will solve this. That is not the role of government”? Of course not! Trump was okay with the mass death event he helped oversee. Nah. Rather, “he questioned whether Kushner “accomplish[ed] peace in the Middle East after all.” 

Let’s pause for a moment. …

Trump thought Kushner accomplished peace in the Middle East. 

Speaking of Trump, CNN informs us that the loser former president is casting about for new people to run his rickshaw operation, as incompetent and chaotic as everything else he touches (remember his blog?). But it won’t be Jared! He has “move[d] to the side,” CNN’s hard-hitting journalism finds. “I don’t think it’s accurate to say he needed a new Jared, because Jared was always more of a policy guy inside the White House, but there was definitely a sense that some part of the puzzle was missing and it was contributing to a lot of internal confusion and chaos,” CNN quotes “a former White House official,” who apparently kept a serious face pretending that Kushner was a “policy guy.”

Here’s Jared Kushner, being a policy guy:

Trump advisers described as an incubator of sleek transformation as opposed to deconstruction […]

Kushner is positioning the new office as “an offensive team” — an aggressive, nonideological ideas factory capable of attracting top talent from both inside and outside of government, and serving as a conduit with the business, philanthropic and academic communities.

“We should have excellence in government,” Kushner said Sunday in an interview in his West Wing office. “The government should be run like a great American company. Our hope is that we can achieve successes and efficiencies for our customers, who are the citizens.”

It was the first and last time we ever heard of this office, which was tasked with “reimagining Veterans Affairs; modernizing the technology and data infrastructure of every federal department and agency; remodeling workforce-training programs; and developing ‘transformative projects’ under the banner of Trump’s $1 trillion infrastructure plan, such as providing broadband Internet service to every American.” Literally none of that happened, nor did it solve the opioid epidemic, surprising no one. 

(We did get a lot of mileage out of “infrastructure week” jokes, however.)

There are so many other ways that Kushner is so distant from Daddy Trump, believe you me! CNN reports: “Kushner is not helping Trump cook up plans for a rally later this month, nor is he intensely involved with the former President’s endorsement decisions or frequent public statements, which, sans a social media presence, come via news releases from Trump’s leadership PAC, Save America – again, something Kushner has veered away from.” Kushner also didn’t pick Trump’s dinner entree or took part in his room’s turndown service. And please CNN, write that down so people know how distanced they are. 

Well, except that “the person close to Kushner does note he ‘still speaks on the phone’ to the former President.” But no cooking up any plans, guys. Promise! 

Wait, what’s this next item? STOP THE PRESSES! Ivanka has also distanced herself from her creepy dad! CNN’s crack investigative team reports that “[Ivanka Trump] is focused on her children, and spending time with them, period.” Thank heavens CNN offered anonymity to that source, otherwise who knows how they would’ve gotten that bombshell information? We also know that Ivanka and her family will “perhaps visit the Hamptons, the summer playground of the rich and connected.” 

See? She’s not ONE HUNDRED PERCENT connected to Daddy! Sure, she’ll be tens of feet away from him much of the summer, after following him up from Florida, but she might—“perhaps”—find time to frolic with other wealthy people. And they might be loathe to associate with a family so closely associated with the bigotry and misogyny of the Trump family. So CNN assures us that “Kushner intimates make no bones about the fact that the couple disagrees with the former President’s current pursuits. It’s clear that the close advisory relationship is no more.”

Well, of course not! Trump is no longer president! Ivanka doesn’t get to pretend to be a head of state as bemused world leaders virtually sneer at her. Kushner doesn’t get to murder hundreds of thousands via negligence and not solve the Middle East crisis. Is anyone going to really pretend that they’d be right back at daddy’s side if he ever, god forbid, retook the White House? 

These two desperately want to disassociate themselves from the horrors of the Trump administration they enabled from day one. They are missing out on too many parties, and old friends are refusing to take their calls. 

The big question is why CNN enabled these efforts, since they weren’t even worthy of the National Enquirer.