More than a year ago, it was recognized that there might be a problem with getting America vaccinated that went beyond the availability of vaccine. That’s because a large number of Americans have, just in the last few years, increasingly become not just anti-vax, but anti-science. When people are convinced that the vaccine is loaded with mercury (no), made with fetal stem cells (no), laced with microchips (no), or the product of an international plot by a guy working right inside the National Institutes of Health (um, no), it’s hard to reason with them.

That’s why discussion on Daily Kos and elsewhere turned to ideas of a “vaccine passport” even before the first vaccines were available—specifically to ideas of how people could be encouraged to get vaccinated. Could the fully vaccinated be allowed to dine in restaurants that were otherwise closed? Might businesses offer them discounts? Could they be allowed to remove their masks in areas where the unvaccinated still had to keep their faces covered? 

Some of the ideas put forward were less workable than others. (For example, it was my idea that the final stimulus payment be tied to proof of vaccination, which was clearly made impossible by timing, if nothing else.) Others were a bit … severe. But with the number of vaccinations each day still declining and less than 50% of the population vaccinated, there are states, cities, and businesses all working on ways to encourage the vaccine-doubtful to get the jab. These are just a few of those ideas that have not just been proposed, but actually implemented.

And if it sometimes reads like the menu at a none-too-healthy buffet, well, this is America after all.

Food, oFF- and oN-stick varieties

<a href="https://www.krispykreme.com/response-to-covid19">Krispy Kreme</a> was one of the first to move forward with an incentive that speaks to America’s inner Homer: free donuts. Presenting a vaccine card at a Krispy Kreme can net you a free donut a day, every day, for the rest of the year. In fact, since it’s unclear that there’s a Krispy Kreme network recording all those donut redemptions, a determined ‘nut head willing to abuse the company’s good intention might be able to keep their glaze buzz going all day by driving from one location to the next. (Don’t do that.)
There are any number of regions that adopt the phrase “God’s Country,” but Real Americans know the truth: The divine land is restricted to those areas where <a href="https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/white-castle-invites-all-to-celebrate-their-vaccines-with-complimentary-dessert-on-a-stick-301275114.html">White Castle</a> is sold. No, you can’t get a free slider a day by presenting that vaccination card—because, America, that would be too much in so, so many ways—but the home of the Crave is ready to hand you something called “dessert on a stick,” gratis. This includes a fudge-dipped cheesecake on a stick treat that, if you close your eyes, will make you convinced that you never missed the state fair. You’ll have to buy the sliders yourself. And once that window opens, and the smell wafts out … you know you will.
If for some reason you prefer your cheesecake without a stick (heathen), you have until the end of the month to stop by <a href="https://www.juniorscheesecake.com/">Junior's </a>for a free mini cheesecake. Note that this is only available at the original New York locations. But thinking about it … maybe a trip is in order. 

Drink and other chemical agents of change

Oh, Connecticut. What is a state that is sadly <em>sans </em>White Castle and dominated by <a href="https://prnt.sc/i0imlm">that other donut</a> supposed to do? Drown those sorrows, that’s what. So restaurants around the state have banded together to provide <a href="https://www.ctvisit.com/articles/DrinksOnUs#section-1">a free drink</a>. However, this is only good through the end of May, so plan on getting thirsty in the next couple of weeks.
New Jersey is … a place where I was once stuck in an airport overnight. But fuggedaboutthat. It’s also the place that will give you “<a href="https://twitter.com/GovMurphy/status/1389269510612467716">a shot and a beer</a>.” That’s right: Get vaccinated, get beer. If your willpower held out against donuts, this could be the point where even the conviction that Bill Gates something something no longer generates sufficient fear.
The vaccinated have just five days left to snag a free Budweiser from<a href="https://www.mycooler.com/en/free-bud/register.html"> </a><a href="https://www.mycooler.com/en/free-bud/register.html">ABeerOnBud.com</a>—though I can’t promise that signing up at this site will not inject your email with a thousand ads from Spuds MacKenzie’s grandkids.
What if your buzz has been so hashed by anti-vax rhetoric that you just need … something more calming? On 4/20, D.C. Marijuana Justice handed out “<a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/ajherrington/2021/05/07/free-marijuana-for-covid-19-vaccines-proves-to-be-a-popular-perk/?sh=7b81f8bf24ab">Joints for Jabs</a>.” Similar programs were conducted around that date in New York City. But if the thought that you missed this is a bummer, there are still dispensaries across the nation that are giving vaccination perks, so check with a friendly green business near you. 

A designated driver

If you’ve taken Connecticut up on that drink, or anyone up on the offer of a free pre-roll, you may be in need of an offer from <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/11/politics/uber-lyft-vaccines-white-house-partnership/index.html">Lyft and Uber</a>. But while both of the largest ridesharing services are telling you to come on and take a free ride, that price only applies to those going to or returning from vaccination sites. So getting all this scheduled out could take some planning.
In Detroit, a “<a href="https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/detroit-city/2021/04/28/covid-19-vaccinations-incentives-detroit-prepaid-debit-cards-johnson-johnson/4871825001/">good neighbor program</a>” isn’t just offering rides, they’re paying drivers. Detrioters can earn $50 for bringing someone else in for a jab. No one would advocate vaccine press gangs, but … if you live in the area, look around at your unvaccinated neighbors and start hearing that cash register bell ring.

Baseball. Just baseball

Baseball may be the national sport, but for much of the country there’s a debate as to whether that warm embrace really includes the <a href="https://www.reuters.com/world/us/new-york-governor-says-yankees-mets-give-tickets-fans-who-get-vaccinated-their-2021-05-05/">New York Mets and Yankees</a>. But for those still harboring resentment over World Series (Serieses? Seri?) past, think of this as a moment of at least <em>partial</em> redemption. Both the Mets and Yankees are offering free tickets to folks who come down to their stadiums for a vaccination. It may not be enough to make you relinquish that old T-shirt featuring the phrase “pond scum,” but at least it should call for a temporary armistice.
You don’t have to be in the land of the pizza rat to score a break on a baseball ticket. The original pro baseball team over in Cincinnati is also <a href="https://www.mlb.com/reds/tickets/specials/vaccine">offering up tickets</a> at a discount to those with a vaccination card. But still … cheap is not free, Cincinnati. Just saying.

The cold hard stuff

For those who simply are not lured by free donuts, beer, baseball, or cannabis (and who are we to judge?) there’s another kind of green stuff available: cash. <a href="https://governor.maryland.gov/2021/05/03/governor-hogan-announces-financial-incentive-program-for-state-employees-to-encourage-covid-19-vaccinations/">Maryland </a>is offering up $100 to state employees who get vaccinated. <a href="https://governor.wv.gov/News/press-releases/2021/Pages/COVID-19-UPDATE-Gov.-Justice-West-Virginia-offering-100-savings-bond-to-residents-age-16-to-35-who-get-vaccinated.aspx">West Virginia</a> will give over a $100 savings bond to anyone who gets fully vaccinated—up to age 35. Why? Ageism. That’s my answer. That’s always my answer. (Apparently WV is having some difficulties rolling out their program, so stay tuned.)

And if you’re still looking for a place to get vaccinated so you can take part in this bounty …

New Yorkers who do get vaccinated should swing by Nathan’s Famous for a free hot dog, but be warned: That’s only on the day of your vaccination.

Oh, and it should be noted that there is another offer available nationwide to those with proof of vaccination. It’s called “not catching COVID-19.”