I am not a man of high fashion. I wish I could say that I spend my morning color-matching all of my clothing and making sure I’m wearing the latest trending product lines. There are a few things I do love: I like having a good pair of shoes because I’ve found it helps make my back hurt less. I enjoy wearing sweats almost everywhere, because damnit—I get to work from home, and if that isn’t a benefit of working from home, I don’t know what the hell is. I like wearing glasses over contacts, and yes, I like masks. I have several of them with different designs. I have a mask that reads, “Love is Universal,” and one that reads, “Gryffindor.” I have masks that read “Biden Harris” and masks that represent candidates for state races. I have a mask that celebrates Star Wars and baby Yoda. I love them. I love them for helping keep me safe, but I like the fashion too.

Now Republicans have decided they want to start making choices about what can keep me safe, and also, frankly, something that affects my style. I’m not like my fashion icons. I can’t suddenly look like Edris Elba or Ryan Reynolds. Give me my mask, though, and I’m flirting with being fashionable and making a statement, and Republicans seem to be going out of their way to control the one fashion statement I get to make because it makes them uncomfortable. Boo-fucking-hoo.

There are some who feel like I do: 

Others (Republican senators) who don’t:

I’m fully vaccinated now. But I’m not giving up the mask. Sorry. I now like it. I’ve had the flu vaccine every year for years. But 2020 was the first year I didn’t even get a cold. Nothing. It was the first year that when I went into the men’s room, I actually watched people wash their damn hands. I want to make this clear: Before 2019, when I would travel, at least half (in only my anecdotal evidence) of men in public restrooms just walked out to make sure there was no chance they would wash their hands if someone else was at another sink.

I’ve seen it my whole life. COVID-19 was terrible, but I also was able to see progress on things I had long wanted, like doors in a Quiktrip bathroom with a floor grip so I could open a door with my foot.

Republicans think they have a winning issue by seemingly suggesting people who keep wearing masks are doing the country harm. Last I checked, we’re doing absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing. Period. Not a damn thing. 

It’s my health. It’s my fashion. It’s my body. It’s my choice. If I decide to start wearing masks that read, “Fire Tucker Carlson,” I can do that. Hell, I might start doing exactly that tomorrow. They can gripe all they want, but last I checked, I have every right to tell them to go pound sand.