Pat yourself on the back if you sized Donald Trump up in two minutes, like a normal person. You could have instead been Ethan Nordean, who wasted years of his life and squandered his precious freedom for a guy who’d likely feed him to alligators—or a marginally more reptilian creature such as Roger Stone—if he ever showed up at one of his golf courses.

Nordean is a “sergeant-at-arms” (FYI: All of these military titles are pretend) of the Proud Boys Seattle chapter, and he’s had it with his supreme golden clod. Nordean has been charged with conspiracy, obstruction of an official proceeding, and aiding and abetting in connection with his alleged assault on the Capitol on Jan. 6, and he’s none too happy with his Amazing Disappearing Messiah.

Take a look, and try not to laugh too hard:

For the nontweeters:

Ouch.

But wait! I thought Trump was going to join the insurrectionists at the Capitol building on Jan. 6. That’s what he said, anyway. And as every true Proud Boy knows, Donald Trump is always true to his word.

Of course, as Nordean suggests, Trump could have pardoned Nordean and his confederates, and he probably would have if there had been anything in it for him—like if Nordean had a relative who worked at KFC and could slip him a few bonus pieces of Extra Crispy in his buckets. But, alas. This is just some fool who sacrificed everything important in his life for what he saw as a righteous cause. Trump hates suckers like that.

From USA Today:

[…]

In a court filing Thursday, prosecutors detailed communications sent through the instant messaging app Telegram that they say show additional evidence that Nordean and other Proud Boys members conspired to breach the Capitol. Prosecutors included the anti-Trump diatribe in which Nordean seemed to acknowledged he and others are facing criminal charges because they followed Trump’s lead.

Okay, get this through your cartilaginous skulls, Trumpers: Donald Trump doesn’t care about you. He never did. Do you still check your bank account every 30 minutes to see if the Nigerian prince has deposited your money? It’s over, y’all. You’ve been scammed, and that’s all there is to it.

This does give me some hope, though. Trump lost the 2020 election by 7 million votes, and it doesn’t look like he’s picked up a single voter since then. On the other hand, people like Nordean are slowly waking up.

Let’s hope they’re all out of their comas by the 2022 midterms, at least.

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