The leaders of the Insurrection Caucus (aka House Republicans) appeared on Sean Hannity’s Kavalcade of Kraven Klowns last night after ousting Rep. Liz Cheney from her leadership position. Aware that the Eye of Sour-Don was likely watching, Obergruppenführer Kevin McCarthy made certain to lather up Former’s balls with the fevered alacrity of a germaphobic truck stop glory hole attendant.

Knowing that the summum bonum of the modern-day Republican Party is to please Donald Trump at every possible opportunity, McCarthy was sure to stack the bullshit high and wide.

And since the conventional wisdom in Bizarro World these days is that Joe Biden’s health status ranges anywhere from long-dead to moderately comatose, Hannity figured he’d tee House Minority Leader McCarthy up, with a leading question about Biden’s health and mental acuity.

It went like this:

Transcript!

MCCARTHY: “It was the first time I saw Joe Biden as president since he’s been … I saw him on the inaugural and the State of the Union night. He was with it and he was engaging and he was giving me numbers and he was talking, but at no time, having known Joe Biden for quite some time, does he have the energy of Donald Trump. We both know it. Donald Trump didn’t need to sleep five hours a night, and he would be engaged. If you called Donald Trump, he’d get on the phone before staff would. He’d … bring other people down.”

Okay, first of all, McCarthy’s and Elise Stefanik’s smiles are haunting me, because I know I’ve seen them somewhere before. They’re just … so … famil …

Oh, yeah:

YouTube Video

Secondly, maybe someone who thought it was a good idea to brag about a test they only administer to people showing early signs of dementia should think about getting a full eight hours of sleep a night. Just a thought.

Finally, Hannity’s deeply held hope that Joe Biden will eventually be found at 4 a.m. on a random Wednesday playing with a dead raccoon on Abe’s lap at the Lincoln Memorial prompts him to ask absurd leading questions about our president. And since anyone can see Biden is clearly not senile or lacking in focus or energy, McCarthy couldn’t even confect a decent lie about it. But he did the next best thing: Pretend that Donald Trump, who at this point is 90% chicken skin and Adderall by volume, has far more vigor than Biden could ever hope to muster. (Erm, just because someone screams for a Diet Coke 22 times a day doesn’t mean they have “energy,” and it certainly doesn’t show that said energy is being put to productive use.)

I mean, all you have to do is read this New York Times exposé about Joe Biden working hard, demanding his people work hard, and taking his job seriously—a piece they somehow decided to preface with the headline “Beneath Joe Biden’s Folksy Demeanor, a Short Fuse and an Obsession With Details”—to know that the narrative Hannity and his ilk are trying to get us all to swallow is just a big, awkward horse pill of a placebo. 

Check this:

“You become so hyperprepared,” said Dylan Loewe, a former speechwriter for Mr. Biden. “‘I’ve got to answer every conceivable question he can come up with.’”

Oh, gawd, WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! A president who strives to understand every facet of his job and demands his people come “hyperprepared”! Does that mean we’re done getting quack medical advice from our POTUS?

Of course, I read the Times’ entire “Biden is too deliberative” hit piece, but I could have just read this part and slept easy last night:

Watching hours of cable news. The television that Mr. Trump installed in the dining room next to the Oval Office is still there, but aides say it is rarely on during the day.

Yup. It takes a ton of energy to watch 10 hours of teevee a day—and even more to translate Brian Kilmeade’s blather into something reminiscent of English. Donald Trump is a real Energizer Bunny. If that reference is too old, substitute something more recent, like “Don Jr. Midnight Cocaine Rabbit.”

The Three Spooges also did their best to convince Hannity’s audience that the country is falling apart, now that Trump isn’t fucking up the pandemic response anymore. The fact that we’re coming out of yet another ruinous Republican recession—made far worse by Trump’s small-to-no-government philosophy—appears lost on them. Instead, they chose to focus on a temporary blip in inflation, likely caused by pandemic-related supply bottlenecks, and a slowdown in oil pipeline shipments precipitated by a one-off ransomware attack that’s already been handled. Somehow, they forgot to mention the massive SolarWinds hack that occurred under Trump’s watch.

They also claimed that the CDC’s change in mask guidance was just a ploy to distract the country from all these “disasters.”

Okay, sure.

Here’s the entire interview, if you have the stomach for it:

YouTube Video

Seriously, though. Those smiles are just creepy, right?

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